The River, the Market, and Attitude - OH MY!!

We had the privilege of spending time with another family who was just there for a visit as well. We were able to spend quite a bit of time talking together and sharing our experiences. There were also some families there that had been in Congo for months and they were a wealth of information! And seeing them with their kids and how attached they had gotten over that time gave us hope for what is to come for us and our children. We have learned along this journey that there is no one out there that knows what you are going through better than a fellow adoptive parent especially those that are walking the path the same time as you. It's almost like there is an instant bond - there's a huge shared thread of life and it is so good for the soul to connect with them.

While we were visiting we had the opportunity to visit the Congo River with another family. Fortunately we were able to take a van that day - the night before we got to experience loading four grown adults, four toddlers and a baby plus our driver into a very small car for an evening out at a local restaurant. Needless to say the rules of the road are not the same as they are here!!

The river was amazingly beautiful and HUGE. Again, I had heard about it so many times and seen other people's pictures but to be there and actually see it with my own eyes was amazing. We were able to learn that this was the first time E had ever been to the river so it was neat to share that experience with him. That morning was the most time M spent cuddled up with me the entire time we were there. She took a bottle and fell asleep with me holding her which became our normal morning ritual. It was so sweet! We got to experience the Congo HEAT that day, too. Coming from the midwest in the middle of winter to that kind of temperature was a shock to the body!!

After the river we made a stop at the Symphonie D'Arts which was beautiful!! However, it was not little child friendly and we didn't spend long there. Next up after that was the Mommy Mommy Market. Let me remind you it was HOT and we hadn't expected to go there that day so we were a little unprepared - mostly mentally ;) We got a few things that day and spied a few other things that we wanted to pick up another time. E was having a REALLY rough time being there. We were never able to figure out if it was only due to hunger, if he was upset we wouldn't buy him every single thing he wanted or a combination of the two. Needless to say even Paul pulled him aside to speak to him in Lingala and I used my rudimentary Lingala to tell him to stop, too.

Fortunately for all of us that attitude outburst was short lived. He discovered the JOY of taking pictures with my old itouch. Both E and the other boy that was there LOVED all things technology but it made me too nervous to just give him free reign with the ipad or even my phone. But the itouch was all his and he LOVED it!! We dubbed him the paparazzi and he easily took 1000/day. M started showing a lot more of her precious personality on her first full day with us. She started flashing her HUGE smile and interacting more. She wanted to crawl around so badly but the floor was so smooth she kept slipping! We did learn that she can pull herself up and stand with assistance and she LOVES doing that! It was so good to see some more of that precious little girl's personality coming out.

We are so looking forward to seeing how their personalities and little selves blossom and grow in our family and to learn even more about them. Being their parents is such a huge blessing!

The Day We Met Our Kids

December 31, 2013

This is a day Mike and I have been dreaming of and talking about since we decided to pursue adoption almost two years ago. The day we met our kids - it's something that you just can't fathom until you're there and experiencing it. I wasn't sure if I would be a blubbering mess of emotions, if I would be so happy I'd burst into tears, if it would be surreal or if it would be a moment of pure joy. We had no way to know if the kids would be happy to see us, if they would be terrified or somewhere in between.

That morning we had gotten word that the kids were on their way. We had no idea when they would actually arrive so most of the morning was a lot of sitting around and just waiting. There were other families and kids there to keep us company and try to keep our minds off of what was about to happen. Literally a minute before the gates opened and our kids drove in Mike had gone back inside the house to our room. I had to send one of the other parents back in to get him. I knew I needed him with me when we met them.

My son was the first one to step out of the car. My first thought was how LITTLE he was!! It's so hard to tell in pictures but he was so small and even more adorable and precious than any of his pictures. He looked around and really just took everything in. His foster mom and her daughter got out next. Mike and I had stepped forward and E saw us. You could tell immediately that he recognized us - he was trying so hard to hide his little smile while he watched us and he was acting so shy.

I went to his foster mom first and said the only think I could think of which was "Merci". That was the only moment when I almost burst into tears. I am so grateful for this woman and all she has done for these two kids and by extension for me. I am able to wait knowing they are with someone who is taking good care of them and who loves them. She gave me a good, tight squeeze and a smile that said she understood all the unspoken words between us. Even now that moment makes me choke up. After that I went to E and knelt down to say hello. The two of us just checked each other out. He looked back to his foster mom as if to double check with her to make sure this was ok. She nodded and said something I didn't understand and that was all he needed to allow me to pick him up.

He tried to be so stoic but his grin kept emerging. We sat down together at the table and I talked to him even though I know he had absolutely no idea what this white lady he'd never met before was saying. I can only imagine what was going through his mind. He obviously recognized us which means he has seen at least some of the pictures I have sent. And I am assuming he had been told we were his parents because he seemed to understand that as well. Still, I'm not sure if he will ever be able to tell us what he was thinking in those moments. It was totally and completely surreal. They were there and they were in our arms! These kids we had prayed so much for and had loved so much from so far away were WITH us!

   

M was totally and completely zonked out. Her foster sister was carrying her and brought her to Mike. Seeing him holding another one of his baby girls was so neat. We have a picture of him holding Hadley for the first time and he is obviously completely in love and such a proud daddy. This was another one of those moments. Love at first sight. She is such a dainty little thing. One of the most beautiful baby girls I have ever laid my eyes on with a diva-tude to rival any of her sisters.

Their foster mom left us a bottle for her and through a translator gave us some basic info about what they like and some helpful tips. She and her daughter said good-bye and then they were gone. We had Paul explain to E that we were there for a visit and that he would go back to his foster mom in a few days. We wanted that message repeated to him several times so it was less confusing for him and I do think it helped.

Paul talked to E and he started to come out of his shell a little more. I took M and Mike took E to play some soccer. I have video of their first soccer match and video of soccer from the day before we left. The difference is amazing. He totally blossomed and let his personality shine while he was with us. He was so tentative at first though but that smile he tried to hide finally came through and he wasn't afraid to show it. Mike put him on the swing and that grin was there to stay! He LOVED it!

When M woke up she was not particularly pleased to see me. I tried to give her a snack which she took without much enthusiasm. And then she screamed at me and screamed some more until Mike took her and then it immediately stopped. Little did we know that was how the whole week was going to go!!

The rest of the day went well. E was so excited about Fanta so Mike got him some when we went to the store. I had no idea a kid could get that jazzed over a beverage!! Both kids napped and Mike and I just sat and stared at them. It was a lot to take in!!

E found the stash of clothes we brought and immediately wanted to change which was fine. He loved the Thomas trains and the tractor that Elliot had given us to bring for him. And the bathtub - I have never seen anyone SO excited about a bathtub. Turns out he LOVES taking a bath and would have spent the entire week in it if I let him!!

M was very into her daddy. She was fine with me as long as I wasn't holding her. She would smile and play and really is the sweetest little baby. But if I held her it was a blood curdling scream. The only fix was Mike picking her up. And it wasn't just me - it was any other woman even the housekeeper who tried to help calm her down while Mike went to the store. Things did get better as the week went on but she very clearly preferred Mike over me.

We decided not to make a big to-do about E's birthday. I don't think he had any idea that's what the day was. We did celebrate New Years Eve though. We grilled food, made smores and had some fun crowns and glasses to ring in the new year. It was a lot of fun with all the kids and other parents. We went to sleep that night emotionally exhausted but so, so happy and already we knew coming to visit was the right choice. We had only gotten a glimpse of who these kids were but we knew they were amazing and we knew it was a blessing to call ourselves their Mom and their Dad.

Recap: Our trip to Congo

We've been home just over a month - it's probably time to recap our trip to meet our kiddos!!

We left December 28 - right in the middle of Christmas craziness!! Fortunately Mike's parents and my parents were able to take turns caring for the kids and getting them where they needed to be. It ended up being SO cold here that school was delayed or cancelled more than it was on while we were gone.

I'll leave out the details and just say that our flights there were smooth and mostly on time. The only snafu we had was in Brussels where we needed to get boarding passes printed and switch to a different terminal that had Africa bound flights. The line for this was LONG and there was one person working. We made it to the gate in time to visit the bathroom and fill up our water bottles.

Then we landed in Kinshasa. (if you want a good synopsis of the airport experience read this) My first clue this was going to be an adventure should have been on our descent when everyone started making the 'cross' on themselves. And then the entire plane broke out in applause as soon as the plane was safely on the ground. I had no idea that I apparently should have been worried?!?!? Then we took the bus 10ft to the terminal where we got to stand in a long line waiting for permission to enter the country. Then they checked our yellow fever cards. And finally we saw the most beautiful (just joking) board with our names on it. It was a relief to know there was someone there to help us figure all this out. Our in country contact took us immediately to the car where we met Paul who was a complete Godsend on this trip. Our luggage was retrieved for us and then we strapped most of it to the top of the car.

It was dark so we didn't get a great look at the city but it was just plain amazing to be there. I had heard so many people talk about it and had a rough idea of what to expect. Once we got to the house we were staying in we were ready to unpack and get some sleep. We met another family and they filled us in a bit. Seeing them with their kids made me so excited and a lot nervous to meet our kids!!

The next day we woke up expecting to hear from our in country people on when we should expect the kids to come. Instead chaos was descending upon the city (I'm only being a little dramatic). If you want to read up on what happened while we were there go here. We were not in the middle of the drama but it was close enough to make us wonder and we heard many gunshots throughout the day. Needless to say it was too dangerous for the kids to come that day so we just hung around and waited. It was also advised to stay put which was a slight problem since we hadn't made it to the store yet and didn't have any water! We borrowed a big bottle from another family to last us until the next day.

We kept this trip relatively low key. The purpose was to go and meet our kids, spend time with them and get to know them. We did make it to the river, a restaurant, thieves market and fabric market. When we go back next time we are hoping to visit at least our son's old orphanage and a few other places. Suffice it to say we think our kids are pretty amazing and we are completely blessed to have the opportunity to be their parents. It was so surreal to finally be there and to finally hold and kiss and love on these kids we have watched grow in pictures for nearly a year. Our son turned 3 the day we met him and our daughter hit 9 months while we were there. It kills me to think that we missed so many years and months with them but those few days together were priceless and we are so ready for them to come home and join their brother and sisters! There are less unknowns and I feel much more confident about bringing them home and melding our family together. Keep praying them home everyone - it will happen!!

Next up......The Day We Met Our Kids!!

Hoping and praying

Time for another update. I really wish there were more exciting updates spaced closely together but we'll take every piece of good news and savor it whenever it comes!! 

So, our son was supposed to have a visa appointment Nov. 20. That didn't happen. I was completely and totally ANGRY. I was angry at our attorney, at our agency, at the government, at myself, at the world......you get the picture. Really in the grand scheme of things this wasn't the huge deal I made it out to be in my head. But I was irrationally upset when I received the email from the embassy telling us our appointment had been missed and none of our documents had been dropped off. Thank God my husband is much more level headed than I am. He has forbidden me from sending any more angry emails to our attorney, our agency or anyone else regarding our adoption. He's a smart one ;)

So, that day didn't start as well as I thought it was going to. I had been up at 2am praying for the interview that didn't happen. I was a hot mess at MOPS that morning trying to communicate with people halfway around the world and figure out what in the heck was going on. The moms there who don't know me probably think I am actually a total and complete hot mess since at the meeting before that we had learned about his visa interview. This adoption has kind of made me a hot mess but I think any mom who is unwillingly separated from her children would be.......

THEN to top it off I got THE email for our daughter. Whoa...perspective. I did not in any way, shape or form want to admit it that day but everything really was being worked out and it was going to be ok. Now, both of our kids have an appointment scheduled together on the same day at the same time for their US Visas. 

This is absolutely amazing and a total answer to prayer. Our I600 was approved on Sept. 6 but not into the system until September 13. And two months later we had visa appointments scheduled. Going off of the wait many other people were having I was shocked to have BOTH of our kids make it through the investigation process so quickly. We were settling ourselves in for a long, long wait.

But, making it through this part of the process so quickly now puts us in the awful, AWFUL position of having everything our kids need to come home except the exit letter. Once visas are issued we will be missing two little pieces of precious paper allowing our kids to leave with us. This suspension could last up to a year. 

Thinking about that makes me hyperventilate. 

We LOVE these kids. No, we haven't met them YET but we love them. We are committed to doing whatever we are able to do to help them heal, to make them a part of our family and to give them a loving home. We aren't going anywhere and we will see this process through until the end and bring these kids home to a family who is anxiously waiting to welcome them. If I could tell the DGM one thing it would be that. I truly do believe they are doing a disservice to MY kids. Yes, I will agree that there are probably parts of the process that need to be refined and fixed but punishing my kids and my family by keeping us apart is cruel and wrong and I wish they could see that. Just because some families had documents dated before a certain date does not make them more qualified to bring their kids home than ME. 

We have been anticipating bringing these kids home for months. And, we've come to a place where we can't wait any longer. We should be making a trip to bring them home at the end of this month. We are still hoping we are able to bring them home as soon as possible and we are asking for others to pray for that as well. But until we can bring them home we will settle for a visit to their country and we will continue hoping and praying for the day we are able to bring them home and complete our family.

Good news - hoping more is on the way!

Well,

It has been too long yet again since my last post on our blog.  Erin is much better at keeping things updated than I, but most of her thoughts get recorded elsewhere now, so this space is left to me.  Sorry for my lack of consistent posts.

I think it is high time I start with a few piece of great news.  First off, we finally got Espoir moved out of the orphanage and into foster care.  We didn't think this was going to be a big deal, but it took months for persistent emails and finally having someone who works for our agency in country personally walking the documents through each step.  It was great to get new update pictures with his fun-loving personality shining through again.  Even better news is that he is now int he same foster family as his sister and one other little one, so they are bonding before we get to meet them both.  I hope he is happy there until we can pick him up.

We also got a great email today - we have a visa appointment for Espoir!  We don't have to be there for this as our lawyer can represent us, but this interview is the last major hurdle before the US Embassy can issue his visa to come home.

More good news is that we still have donations coming in.  This is great, as we are finally approaching the point where the amount left doesn't seem so insurmountable a number anymore.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow - and trust that he will provide what is needed, when it is needed.

Unfortunately, good news always seems to be paired with more waiting and more bad news.  We are still waiting for a visa appointment for Maicha and hoping that we can make one trip to bring them both home.  The DGM (basically the Congolese equivalent of USCIS) has still not resumed issuing exit letters, which also complicates/extends the process for bringing the kids to the US.  Basically until this changes or until they decide which cases can be "grandfathered" in prior to them stopping the exit process, we won't be able to leave the country with our own children. Sad but true.

If you are still considering donating to our adoption process, we really could use the help.  Even though we are excited and extremely grateful for the help we have received, we still need ~$10,000 more to complete the process (and even more if we have to make two trips instead of one).

Please continue to pray for us as a family - all of us.  As the process were's on, Erin and I are becoming more worn and stressed, and this affects life at home as well.  Please pray for us to have peace and continue trusting that his plan is the best.  Please pray for our two kids which we desperately want to hold and care for but can't do it yet.  Please pray that the DRC government allows people to bring kids who are adopted home.

WHY!?

Tonight just keeps getting better and better!  After an extremely long week at work for me (and at home for my wife) I got home to find out that we have an issue with our plumbing and proceeded to dig up the lids for our septic tank and our septic tank cleanout.  The plumber comes tomorrow - please let it be something which is easy to fix.

By now you are probably wondering how any of that relates to our adoption - well it doesn't; but, to top off this week we got news from both our adoption agency and the US government about a new problem in the DRC.  The DGM (General Director of Migration) has stopped issuing exit letters to children being adopted from the Congo internationally.  This basically means that they are not letting people who are ready to take their kids home leave the country, or allowing any more internationally adopted children to leave the country for some unknown period of time.

Why?  That was the first question I asked.  That is easy to answer - once again an adoptive couple has tried to circumvent the DRC rules for adoption and has caused this unnecessary delay for every other person adopting from that country.  Honestly - why can't people just follow the rules so that it doesn't backfire and collapse the process for more than just you!  It makes me angry that people think it is OK to gamble time with my children for their adoption process.  If you don't meet the adoption criteria, don't apply to adopt from that country!  This country might be more lenient than most about the stretching of some of their rules, but some they are quite adamant about keeping - why would another couple try and break the same rule that caused the DGM to shut down in May?

Bottom line: I am upset. I am upset because no one knows how long the lock down will last - maybe a week, maybe a year.  I am upset because I completely understand why they are locking down the exit process and it was caused by something which was completely avoidable.

Please pray for the decision makers in Congo to realize that they should not punish the parents or the children who are waiting eagerly to be united and come home.  Pray that no other couple thinking about adoption breaks the rules and causes the country to rethink whether international adoption of their children is such a good idea.  Pray this shutdown is short and that our investigation process is short so we can quit worrying about other people keeping us from our kids.

Reference: http://adoption.state.gov/country_information/country_specific_alerts_notices.php?alert_notice_type=alerts&alert_notice_file=democratic_republic_of_congo_3

Finally - The Home Stretch

It has been quite awhile since the last post; sometimes it was just too depressing to think about how much still stood between us and our kids.  However, the end is finally "in sight", although we still do not know when it will be.

We recently received news that our I600 application (petition to the US government to request the children be qualified as our immediate family) was approved.  This was the first step in what I would call the last phase in our journey.  Now we have to wait for the US Embassy in Kinshasa (DRC) to do an investigation verifying the veracity of the documents we submitted and the stories of our children.  Although the investigation itself doesn't take much time, there is a significant wait period prior to it being our turn: they estimate 3-6 months.  After the conclusion of the investigation, we will travel for our visa appointment and to pick up our kids and bring them home.

My parents will be sharing a brief view of our journey in their church tomorrow.  This really can't come at a better time as we are needing a big final push in our fundraising to reach the amount needed for the last payment to our lawyer and travel expenses.  If you know anyone with a heart for adoption, please pass along our information and our need.
 
Speaking of homes - ours recently changed.  About a month and a half ago, Erin and I decided that our current home, which we loved, was not going to be a good layout for our family when G and O (the new kiddos) come home.  Thus, we decided to sell our house and find a new one.  This went very quickly (our house was only on the market for two days) and then we visited 25+ houses before finding our new home.  As we unpack boxes and reset up rooms, we look forward to the day when all the rooms are full.