"You're going to roll your eyes and call me crazy but..." That's how our adoption journey started in February 2012, and I have a feeling that was the initial reaction of many of the people we told. After having twins less than a year before that, it did sound crazy. It sounded even more crazy when we told people we were adopting two kids. But I am getting ahead of myself.
What I will deem "The First Step" in our adoption journey, and any adoption journey is the decision to adopt. It is a HUGE decision with an incredible number of factors involved. And then, after you make the initial decision to adopt, you are tasked with an even more tremendous set of decisions to make. How old should they be? Where should we adopt from? Do we qualify to adopt from there? What is the process for adopting from there? How will they mesh with our current children? Will they thrive in our community? How much does it cost? How will we pay for it? Why am I doing this again? My wife has presented me with evidence of being pregnant 4 (not a typo - see note) times, and I would describe how "The First Step" feels as being very similar to that feeling: Excited and Overwhelmed.
You are excited after you make the decision to grow your family and know, at least believe at some level, that it is a "certainty". This is true when adopting as well. Pretty much as soon as you enter the community of adoptive parents, you find yourself in a swirl of information from people in every step of the process, from where you are to people who are in the thick of it, to people who have gotten to bring their kids home. You realize that the children are very real, and you are going to be "one of those families". You are excited for all the things you will get to teach them and do with them, and if you were already a parent like us, all the things that they are sure to teach and give you.
You are overwhelmed because, unlike a pregnancy, this is a very hands on process. You have to be organized and learn a process you knew nothing about just a little time earlier. You have to figure out the ins and outs of the system. You have to prepare yourself for a process which you know won't go as planned, but can never imagine how much it may stray from the original idealistic vision had in mind. You are overwhelmed answering questions from inquisitive minds that don't always think about how their inquiries may affect your feelings and attitudes towards them. You're overwhelmed because you're a newbie - you made one hard decision which only opened the door for 100 more to be made.
So, if you were one of those people that said "they're crazy" when we told you we were adopting two kids from the Democratic Republic of Congo, don't feel bad - you weren't the only one. But try to understand - we aren't crazy. We did not make this decision lightly and by considering it extensively prior to making it we can stand firm that it is the right decision. For us, if boils down to something very simple. Sometimes God calls you to do something which seems crazy, but that doesn't make it any less right. God might want to stretch you beyond your limits, beyond where you are comfortable. God might want you to do something before "it makes sense". Are you going to do it?
Please keep sharing about our family and consider donating during this week. Come back tomorrow to read the next post in the series: Give1Save1 Day 2: Scrutiny.
Note: So, we have four biological kids, but as I said, two of those are twins. If you are semi-skilled at math that would tell you about 3 of the 4 times I thought we were pregnant. The fourth was far more overwhelming than any of the others, as it came during the beginning of the adoption process. We didn't really think it was possible to get that news again - my wife would say that "this baby factory was c.l.o.s.e.d" after the twins were born. A couple days past and we found out that this was one of those rare flukes that happens with tests having false positives. Ha ha God - very funny.
Not a test fluke. A confirmation from God. :)
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